my heart is Spoken For..

thank You.

Your words came, in the stillness, in the moments of quietness. In that service of hundreds before You, You knew me and saw me as one, unique individual. You know how much I needed to hear it, with all that load on my heart.

And once again, You draw me. You invite me to surrender, all the defeats, discouragements, weariness and every little thing I make no sense of before You. And as I stood there singing in response in the midst of many, I felt like I was just enjoying that moment with you alone.

Remind me once again, and show me. Talk to me and give my heart understanding, that if it's all about my love to You, what state is it in now?

If along the way, it has been numbed down to a weary servitude, rekindle my love once again God.....

...for "what can I say, and what can I do?

But offer this heart O Lord, completely to You

So I'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned

In awe, of the One who gave it all"

thank You.....it seems such a long while, since I last heard so strongly...repetitively firm from You. You knew how much I needed to hear from You. And You came so firmly, yet gentle....the one only perfect love You've given me, while I was still far off. You met me.

Thank You.

Teach me to honour Your sacrifice.

I didn't exactly had this season in mind, when I started the journey. Definitely not how I had pictured it in my mind, which is probably why I find myself feeling unequipped for it.

I didn't pack for it afterall.

But that's life I suppose. The question is, what do you do, when you're caught in the rain?

Hide in a shelter while sulking and cursing away, or just soak in the moment and enjoy the symphony of pitter-pattering raindrops and smell of the rain?

Ever wonder, why do people tend to be amused and smile to themselves when caught running away under the rain?

Some things just don't reconcile.

You can prepare as much as you want. Even if it's the universal truth that no one escapes from at the end of the day. When it happens....you just can't really make sense of it. The departure of one.

Even when you're told of every contributing factor that amounted to the end result...how do you reconcile it? How do you reconcile it within yourself to live on with that significant, physically permanent change from here on?

I personally can't figure it out. Which is why for the times I witness a younger person having to endure and go through the particular season, it breaks my heart and leave me befuddled. Sometimes even awestruck. For a person who's been around shorter than I have...how did they ever find the strength and will to cope? How do they ever do what I can never imagine myself to do?

Perhaps, it's largely to do with the fact that my family is yet to be saved. I can't imagine living with the agony of seeing them depart not having known my savior. And I guess even if they do, that pain...unfamiliar yet natural to all mankind...is gonna take all out of me.

We always hear people wishing departed ones to rest in peace. But for those who go with the hope of Christ, they are in peace...in the place of hope that no one can ever steal from. Rather...I think it's the ones left behind needing it. The need to be at rest, in peace.

So, here's to you. Rest in peace, in the firm foundational promise of our Lord that He holds and sustains every moment of our life, and that there is that final day, to look forward to.

-------------------------------------

[I can only imagine] - Mercyme

I can only imagine what it will be like
When I walk by your side
I can only imagine what my eyes will see
When your face is before me
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

Surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus,
Or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence,
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Halelluja,
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

I can only imagine when that day comes
And I find myself standing in the Son
I can only imagine when all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

Surrounded by your glory,
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus,
Or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence,
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Halelluja,
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine, yeah
I can only imagine
I can only imagine, yeah, yeah, yeah

Surrounded by your glory,
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus,
Or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence,
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Halelluja,
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine, yeah

I can only imagine, yeah, yeah
I can only imagine, Yeah
I can only imagine
I can only imagine, Ohh yeah
I can only imagine

I can only imagine when all I will do
is forever, forever worship you
I can only imagine

Somewhere along the way....love got lost. Followed suite by the strength to do so, gradually.

4 years ago, I left for thailand. Now it finally dawned upon me, that it seems as though I came back to another place altogether, where everything's changed. The once familiars is gone with one fell sweep.

Maybe all that strength had been spent on trying foolishly to piece things together the way they were, somewhat.

Honestly....how?

Wow, for those interested, here's a couple of official sketchies and art works of Pixar's from the movie, Up, posted on their FB. Simple but awesomely cool. =)